Some fascinating pieces that touched on the themes of motherhood, feminism and our relentless quest to "have it all," recently caught my eye.
Kate Slaughter's July cover story for The Atlantic on "Why Women Still Can't Have it All," really stirred a firestorm of opinion.
Slaughter, who left a position of power to take care of her two teenaged children, charges that women who have managed to be both
mothers and top professionals are superhuman, rich, or self-employed. Whether you agree or not, Slaughter's article is certainly a thought-provoking read.
Another interesting story that recently appeared in the Ottawa Citizen asks whether Marissa Mayer, the super-pregnant new Yahoo! CEO, will become a role model for legions of talented women who dream
of “having it all” — marriage, motherhood and professional success, or fold under the pressure, like too many other mothers who
climbed higher than their families could bear.
Thursday, August 16, 2012
Friday, February 3, 2012
Some motherly advice for Sidney Crosby: please consider retiring
Dear Sidney:
As I write this letter, I’m in near-shock. It seems like blasphemy to write this.
I wasn't always the biggest hockey fan, but I was quickly drawn to the game by your spectacular play.
I've often felt the warm glow of pride in watching you, as not only one of our country’s greatest exports and a preternaturally talented hockey player, but as simply a good, decent boy (now a man, I suppose, though it’s so hard to think of you as anything but “The Kid”).
And I was as disappointed as anyone to see you hurt yet again, after months of effort and rehabilitation and struggles to get back on the ice after you were severely concussed last January. Maybe even more so than most.
Maybe this is the “mom” coming out in me. But as a mom — and secondly, a fan — this is becoming too hard to watch, Sid, and so, I have to offer some motherly advice.
Those images of you from last year, the ever-triumphant Kid, lying crumpled and motionless on the ice, are too much to bear.
I don’t want to see another horrifying head shot that ends your career and robs you of future successes or even worse, your life. Your presence on the ice, while still dazzling, is also incredibly nerve-wracking.
Although you’re only seven years younger than me (!), I've always felt a certain maternal pride in watching—and cheering—your successes.
And there were so many incredible moments: that golden Olympic goal, hoisting the Stanley Cup, the fist pumps, your team jumping all over you in victory, the triumph in your eyes, even your scream, “f--- yeah!” after your first goal came unbelievably quickly after so many months of being sidelined.
What a thrill it has been to watch you, knowing how hard you’ve worked for all of it and what a great example you’ve set as a pro athlete. Your steely focus and unyielding passion is inspirational to everyone.
But in a beautiful Canadian game that has become devastatingly brutal, your newly fragile state has, so unfortunately, changed everything.
As much as I’ve never wanted to say or even think this, I now have to say it: You should seriously consider retiring, Sid.
I’d rather see you walk away with your well-deserved place in hockey history firmly established and a bright future ahead, a future that includes experiencing the very sweetest, albeit different, things life has to offer: spending time with family, finding the love of your life, perhaps starting your own family.
Also, you could pursue a stellar career in the industry, whether in sports broadcasting, or as a coach or even higher-ranking NHL position. You can still use your incredible abilities to make a difference in the game, Sid.
Over the last 11 months, as you carefully took your time to recover from a severe concussion, I wanted only to believe that you would come back, strong as ever. And I held out hope.
Your first game back was exhilarating to watch. I can only imagine the adrenaline rush you experienced. Sadly, it wouldn’t last.
I know this is about much more than fame, money, glory — any of it. It’s about the game of hockey, which has been your life since — well, forever. I understand how much you love this game, that you live and breathe it. It's in your blood. I can only imagine that the thought of life without playing hockey must, at this moment, be utterly terrifying.
But life goes on, Sid. There’s a full and beautiful life waiting for you outside the rink. Is it really worth putting your health, maybe even your life, on the line every time you lace up your skates?
As much as I — and so many others — wanted to believe that watching you back in action Nov. 21 meant that life in the hockey world would go on as if the last 11 months had never happened, we were wrong.
It took only eight games before your symptoms resurfaced, not only leaving again a serious gap in the game, but leading to quick and rampant speculation that this is the end of the line for you.
This time may not be the end. In however long it takes to you to “feel right” again, you may well end up back in the lineup and there may be more beautiful goals and breathtaking plays to come. But how far will the possibility of the end ever be?
There’s no question the game of hockey won’t be the same without you. But maybe it would take your premature retirement for real change to happen.
The recent increasing brutality of what could be such a compelling game — and the devastating recent spate of injuries such as yours — has for me, largely ruined Canada’s national pastime.
You made hockey so much fun to watch, Sid. But amid the disturbing images of head shots and report after report of brain damage and other horrific injuries, it’s just not fun anymore.
I hope at the very least, as you work on your recovery once again, you ask yourself: is it really worth the risk?
As a mom, I'd have to say it's absolutely not.
Wednesday, February 1, 2012
The Night of the Gun — an unlikely parenting story
I recently finished the 2008 memoir, "The Night of the Gun," by New York Times media reporter and columnist David Carr, and, once my tears stopped flowing, I realized what an important read it is for any parent.
You might not think Carr's story has all that much to do parenting, but having read it and been moved beyond my wildest expectations, I've come to realize that it perfectly reflects so much about parenting's harsh realities and painful struggles, as well as the heartbreaking mistakes and unequaled joys.
A gritty, compelling read from an equally gritty and compelling man, Carr writes in his inimitable, fluidly poetic style about his life, his addiction to alcohol and drugs, broken relationships, acts of violence and his notable career as an talented journalist who overcame all of these (often self-inflicted) obstacles to eventually land at the prestigious New York Times.
But more than this, he writes as a loving and devoted dad of three, who made many grave errors in judgment along the way — and he doesn't hide from this for a moment.
Carr's parenting journey began when his girlfriend went into premature labour with their twin girls. The pair was smoking crack when her water broke.
The little girls survived their ensuing health problems, but their parents — Carr and his on-again, off-again girlfriend Anna — descended further into the dark pit of addiction, retreating into constant IV drug use, while the twin girls endured a dirty, neglectful household.
The most difficult, yet intensely moving part of Carr's parenting story comes as he describes a late-night trip to a crack house to get his fix.
That cold winter night, he brought his twin baby girls with him, but not into the crack house. He left the babies in the car, parked outside, while he got high inside the house.
He describes his skewed thinking in such a raw and vivid way that it's hard not to feel some empathy, amid the pure horror.
"Anna was out, and I could not bear to leave them home, but I was equally unable to stay put. So here we were, one big, happy family, parked outside the dope house. Then came the junkie math. If I went inside the house, I could get what I needed in 5 minutes, 10 minutes tops. The twins would sleep, dreaming their little baby dreams where their dad is a nice man, where the car rides end at a playground."
Quickly, Carr describes this as his day of reckoning, when he realized he would never again be that man. Some time after, he brought the twins to foster care, where they would thrive while Carr and their mother struggled to stay clean.
The twins would eventually be returned to their mother, who continued to struggle with addiction long after Carr finally got clean.
He writes poignantly about the day he picked up his hungry, thirsty and wet girls from their mother, who was increasingly consumed by drug use, and decided not to bring them back, embarking on a new, six-year journey as a single dad (he referred to himself and his girls as "the power trio") and struggling freelance writer.
However, Carr's struggles — personal, professional and with substance abuse — didn't end there, but I don't want to give it all away, other than to say that his story is remarkable and inspirational, particularly for me, a single parent trying to survive as a freelance journalist, juggling multiple jobs and parenting responsibilities, while reconciling poor life choices.
But you don't have to have walked in Carr's (or my) shoes to appreciate this exquisitely told story, which so well captures the life of a flawed, complicated man and endlessly loving father.
The Night of the Gun is available at the Ottawa Public Library or buy it here: http://www.simonandschuster.com/specials/nightofthegun/
You might not think Carr's story has all that much to do parenting, but having read it and been moved beyond my wildest expectations, I've come to realize that it perfectly reflects so much about parenting's harsh realities and painful struggles, as well as the heartbreaking mistakes and unequaled joys.
A gritty, compelling read from an equally gritty and compelling man, Carr writes in his inimitable, fluidly poetic style about his life, his addiction to alcohol and drugs, broken relationships, acts of violence and his notable career as an talented journalist who overcame all of these (often self-inflicted) obstacles to eventually land at the prestigious New York Times.
But more than this, he writes as a loving and devoted dad of three, who made many grave errors in judgment along the way — and he doesn't hide from this for a moment.
Carr's parenting journey began when his girlfriend went into premature labour with their twin girls. The pair was smoking crack when her water broke.
The little girls survived their ensuing health problems, but their parents — Carr and his on-again, off-again girlfriend Anna — descended further into the dark pit of addiction, retreating into constant IV drug use, while the twin girls endured a dirty, neglectful household.
The most difficult, yet intensely moving part of Carr's parenting story comes as he describes a late-night trip to a crack house to get his fix.
That cold winter night, he brought his twin baby girls with him, but not into the crack house. He left the babies in the car, parked outside, while he got high inside the house.
He describes his skewed thinking in such a raw and vivid way that it's hard not to feel some empathy, amid the pure horror.
"Anna was out, and I could not bear to leave them home, but I was equally unable to stay put. So here we were, one big, happy family, parked outside the dope house. Then came the junkie math. If I went inside the house, I could get what I needed in 5 minutes, 10 minutes tops. The twins would sleep, dreaming their little baby dreams where their dad is a nice man, where the car rides end at a playground."
Quickly, Carr describes this as his day of reckoning, when he realized he would never again be that man. Some time after, he brought the twins to foster care, where they would thrive while Carr and their mother struggled to stay clean.
The twins would eventually be returned to their mother, who continued to struggle with addiction long after Carr finally got clean.
He writes poignantly about the day he picked up his hungry, thirsty and wet girls from their mother, who was increasingly consumed by drug use, and decided not to bring them back, embarking on a new, six-year journey as a single dad (he referred to himself and his girls as "the power trio") and struggling freelance writer.
However, Carr's struggles — personal, professional and with substance abuse — didn't end there, but I don't want to give it all away, other than to say that his story is remarkable and inspirational, particularly for me, a single parent trying to survive as a freelance journalist, juggling multiple jobs and parenting responsibilities, while reconciling poor life choices.
But you don't have to have walked in Carr's (or my) shoes to appreciate this exquisitely told story, which so well captures the life of a flawed, complicated man and endlessly loving father.
The Night of the Gun is available at the Ottawa Public Library or buy it here: http://www.simonandschuster.com/specials/nightofthegun/
The kindness of strangers (or, the day I nearly lost my mind)
Enduring Ottawa winters without a vehicle isn't exactly easy. But most mornings, I manage to suck it up and endure the 20-minute walk to baby's daycare (and from there, just 20 minutes more to the office).
However, the last few weeks of bone-chilling temperatures, mounds of heavy, wet snow and seemingly relentless freezing rain have really tested my patience (and blood pressure).
Last Friday morning was especially rough. Most of my walking route to baby's daycare is unplowed. Getting there was a stressful, strenuous walk from hell.
To top it off, just as I arrived, I discovered that trudging through all the winter muck led to a wheel snapping off my stroller. By the time I discovered it, I was left with half a wheel in my hand, three on the stroller.
Already sweating, exhausted and furious from my walk, I dragged the stroller backwards for the rest of the way and dropped her off as usual.
When I picked her up that evening, I really had no idea how the trip home would play out.
The sidewalk/road conditions really hadn't changed, but still, I attempted to make my way home with only three wheels, which was a huge mistake.
I'd barely gotten out of my sitter's driveway before my stroller got completely stuck in the snow. Twisting and turning and struggling and nearly in tears, I was ready to throw myself into the snow in utter despair when a car stopped beside me, and a woman flew out and over to me, insisting that she and her husband drive us home.
I declined politely several times, but she would have none of it. She was a mother too, she said. I didn't want to impose, and told her so repeatedly. But she persisted, and, cold and weary, my pride flew out the window.
So I grabbed baby and we climbed into the back of the car, while she and her husband folded my stroller and loaded our gear. In about seven minutes, we were home — safe, sound, warm and dry.
Life as a newly single parent is hard. The simplest of daily tasks can often be exponentially difficult. Add miserable weather conditions to the mix, and well — I thought I was definitely going to lose it that day. But the simple kindness of two strangers made all the difference in the world.
Congrats to a dear friend
My dear friend Kerry MacGregor, it seems, gave birth to her first child at the beginning of January, in France (apparently, at the same hospital where Angelina Jolie had her Cesarean!).
She blogs beautifully about her experience as a first-time mom of a handsome boy. And to think, it all began when Kerry ran away to France for a whirlwind romance with a Frenchman she'd known for just nine days.
You can check out her blog here: http://www.kerrymacgregor.com/ and find out more about an upcoming book detailing her incredibly romantic (and somewhat awkward) story.
Many congrats to you and the professor, Kerry. And get ready, for life will never be the same — it will be so much sweeter.
She blogs beautifully about her experience as a first-time mom of a handsome boy. And to think, it all began when Kerry ran away to France for a whirlwind romance with a Frenchman she'd known for just nine days.
You can check out her blog here: http://www.kerrymacgregor.com/ and find out more about an upcoming book detailing her incredibly romantic (and somewhat awkward) story.
Many congrats to you and the professor, Kerry. And get ready, for life will never be the same — it will be so much sweeter.
Thursday, October 6, 2011
"Is that the tax man?"
So it's election night in Ontario, and the evidence is everywhere in my household, with newspapers and magazines strewn about (I'll get to picking them up very soon). As always, I'll soon head out to spend the night helping out in the newsroom, but this morning, as I look over the Citizen and the Globe, a funny anecdote comes to mind.
It was the night of the leaders' debate, which had just begun playing on the living room TV while I chased my 10-month old around (it took about three hours for me to finish watching that hour and a half-long debate!), and my 13-year-old son relaxed on the loveseat, playing his Nintendo DS.
As Dalton McGuinty began to speak, without even looking up from his video game, my son blurted out, "Is that the tax man?" I began to roar with laughter.
Whether it speaks to the stickiness of the NDP/PC's anti-McGuinty messages, or simply the effectiveness of attack ads, it really was hilarious, and it helped open up a good chat about where the "tax man" moniker came from.
Parents, do you talk about politics with your kids? Are you engaged in this Ontario election? I'd love to hear from you: editor@ottawaparentingtimes.ca
It was the night of the leaders' debate, which had just begun playing on the living room TV while I chased my 10-month old around (it took about three hours for me to finish watching that hour and a half-long debate!), and my 13-year-old son relaxed on the loveseat, playing his Nintendo DS.
As Dalton McGuinty began to speak, without even looking up from his video game, my son blurted out, "Is that the tax man?" I began to roar with laughter.
Whether it speaks to the stickiness of the NDP/PC's anti-McGuinty messages, or simply the effectiveness of attack ads, it really was hilarious, and it helped open up a good chat about where the "tax man" moniker came from.
Parents, do you talk about politics with your kids? Are you engaged in this Ontario election? I'd love to hear from you: editor@ottawaparentingtimes.ca
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
Supermom? Not really
My apologies, dear readers--if you're still around.
I would understand completely if you've lost patience and given up on this blog. This has been a tremendously hectic fall season, with my newsroom job, teaching two college courses, putting the finishing touches on the winter issue of Ottawa Parenting Times (out in early December!) and continuing to freelance for various publications.
As per the cliche, I truly feel the weight of the world on my shoulders. I am well aware that I tend to, as do so many women and mothers, take on more and more work, even when it becomes increasingly (and evidently) impossible, hesitating to say "no" to any project, for fear no more offers will come.
It's a constant fight for working moms, struggling not to lose your professional identity and the constant dread of only being seen, and valued, as "mom." Eventually, you push yourself to the point I'm at now--feeling that I'm doing too much and doing none of it well.
It's been well documented that women strive to "have it all." But can you have it all, and be all things to everyone in your life, and keep your sanity? Right now, I'm inclined to give an emphatic "no."
Further to this, I came across two interesting pieces in the Globe & Mail today; one on how chronic stress can make mothers hostile and insensitive, and another on alcohol as Mom's stress relieving secret, evoking a bit of guilt about those occasional and treasured glasses of wine.
What do you think, working parents? How do you maintain balance in your life? And how do you cope with the constant stresses of juggling parenting and work? editor@ottawaparentingtimes.ca
I would understand completely if you've lost patience and given up on this blog. This has been a tremendously hectic fall season, with my newsroom job, teaching two college courses, putting the finishing touches on the winter issue of Ottawa Parenting Times (out in early December!) and continuing to freelance for various publications.
As per the cliche, I truly feel the weight of the world on my shoulders. I am well aware that I tend to, as do so many women and mothers, take on more and more work, even when it becomes increasingly (and evidently) impossible, hesitating to say "no" to any project, for fear no more offers will come.
It's a constant fight for working moms, struggling not to lose your professional identity and the constant dread of only being seen, and valued, as "mom." Eventually, you push yourself to the point I'm at now--feeling that I'm doing too much and doing none of it well.
It's been well documented that women strive to "have it all." But can you have it all, and be all things to everyone in your life, and keep your sanity? Right now, I'm inclined to give an emphatic "no."
Further to this, I came across two interesting pieces in the Globe & Mail today; one on how chronic stress can make mothers hostile and insensitive, and another on alcohol as Mom's stress relieving secret, evoking a bit of guilt about those occasional and treasured glasses of wine.
What do you think, working parents? How do you maintain balance in your life? And how do you cope with the constant stresses of juggling parenting and work? editor@ottawaparentingtimes.ca
Friday, August 26, 2011
A family farewell to Jack
On Wednesday night, I brought my 13-year-old son to Parliament Hill to pay our respects to the late Jack Layton. He had asked me to take him, something I found remarkable.
Over the years, he has shown some interest in politics and the key players. Like so many of us, he enjoyed Jack's sunny disposition, his honest and hardworking nature and even the feistiness that emerged during leaders' debates and at other times.
The public viewing was a historical moment, and he knew that and wanted to be part of it. Moreover, he wanted to thank Jack for his work and his fight for families.
And so we did, waiting an hour and a half in line outside until we finally entered the foyer of the House of Commons. He was intrigued to see the place where so much of the work of Canada's politicians is done. In the condolence book, I watched as he very carefully printed, without any coaching, "Thank you Jack, for your amazing work as the leader of the NDP."
As we approached the casket, and bowed our heads to say goodbye to someone we'd never met, but admired, I saw his eyes moisten with sadness. It seemed the realization of life's fragility had dawned on him, for the first time. He has never experienced the death of a loved one or attended a public viewing or funeral service. This was an important moment for many reasons, and I was glad we had come.
As for the lengthy wait in line, we spent the time just chatting. I loved the quality time. And then the questions came: he wanted to know how party candidates were chosen and how they came to represent their constituents, and how members could rise to the top to represent their parties. I tried to explain all of this, but I don't know how well I did.
Absorbing it all, he paused for thought for a few moments. Then he spoke, to articulate a sentiment that without a doubt, would have had Jack Layton beaming proudly: "Maybe I'll join the NDP."
Over the years, he has shown some interest in politics and the key players. Like so many of us, he enjoyed Jack's sunny disposition, his honest and hardworking nature and even the feistiness that emerged during leaders' debates and at other times.
The public viewing was a historical moment, and he knew that and wanted to be part of it. Moreover, he wanted to thank Jack for his work and his fight for families.
And so we did, waiting an hour and a half in line outside until we finally entered the foyer of the House of Commons. He was intrigued to see the place where so much of the work of Canada's politicians is done. In the condolence book, I watched as he very carefully printed, without any coaching, "Thank you Jack, for your amazing work as the leader of the NDP."
As we approached the casket, and bowed our heads to say goodbye to someone we'd never met, but admired, I saw his eyes moisten with sadness. It seemed the realization of life's fragility had dawned on him, for the first time. He has never experienced the death of a loved one or attended a public viewing or funeral service. This was an important moment for many reasons, and I was glad we had come.
As for the lengthy wait in line, we spent the time just chatting. I loved the quality time. And then the questions came: he wanted to know how party candidates were chosen and how they came to represent their constituents, and how members could rise to the top to represent their parties. I tried to explain all of this, but I don't know how well I did.
Absorbing it all, he paused for thought for a few moments. Then he spoke, to articulate a sentiment that without a doubt, would have had Jack Layton beaming proudly: "Maybe I'll join the NDP."
Ottawa Parenting Times fall issue out now!
In case you haven't heard, the fall edition of Ottawa Parenting Times is out now. Look for it in your Ottawa Citizen, at local community centres and other family venues or check out the digital edition at ottawaparentingtimes.ca.
With plenty of handy back-to-school tips, good reads and regular features such as Grandparents Connection and Just for Moms, as well as the most glorious spots to bring the fam to view fall foliage, you won't want to miss our fourth issue.
Comments, questions or suggestions? I'm reachable at editor@ottawaparentingtimes.ca or on Twitter: @kelly_roesler.
With plenty of handy back-to-school tips, good reads and regular features such as Grandparents Connection and Just for Moms, as well as the most glorious spots to bring the fam to view fall foliage, you won't want to miss our fourth issue.
Comments, questions or suggestions? I'm reachable at editor@ottawaparentingtimes.ca or on Twitter: @kelly_roesler.
A long summer break
After a much-needed, extended summer break, And Baby Makes Three is back. I'll be sharing more colourful anecdotes from my crazy-busy life as mom of a nine-month-old, nine-year-old, and now, 13-year-old. Please be sure to stop by regularly, and I'd love to hear your funny and poignant parenting stories: editor@ottawaparentingtimes.ca.
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
Mother's Day photo shoot with the fam
These were taken on Mother's Day 2011 by the very talented Dimitri of Alpha Studio. Check out alphastudio.ca to see more of his work.
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
Why "16 & Pregnant" and "Teen Mom" are must-see family TV
Have you seen either of these MTV hit shows? If not, you really should. And so should your preteen/teenage children.
"16 & Pregnant," is an hour-long documentary series focusing on teen pregnancy. Each episode follows a five to seven-month period in the life of a teenager as she navigates the bumpy terrain of adolescence, growing pains, rebellion, and coming of age; all while dealing with being pregnant.
The spinoff, "Teen Mom," follows four of the featured "16 & Pregnant" moms in the year or so after giving birth and how they cope with the relentless demands of parenthood, school work and their relationships. It's absolutely compelling TV, with plenty of drama and heartfelt moments. But it's important viewing as well, for parents of all ages.
The launch of these shows has been met with much controversy and debate, with some claiming they "glamorize" teen pregnancy, and are in fact encouraging many girls to run out and get pregnant in hopes of landing a spot on the series, and eventual fame and fortune. On the flip side, there are some stats that are said to support the claim that the rate of teen pregnancy in the U.S. is declining in light of the immense popularity of the shows.
I can't speak to what tangible impact these shows are having on the rate of teen pregnancies in the countries in which they air, but I can tell you one thing: if you've watched even one episode of either series, you can plainly see there is nothing glamorous about these girls' lives and about teen pregnancy in general. Often, these are sad and painful stories that are hard to watch; in some cases, tinged with hope, but for many, filled with despair and hardship as these girls, faced with incredibly adult decisions, are forced to sacrifice their teenage years, their high school experiences and their relationships.
More often than not, the teen dads prove irresponsible and eventually absent (if not abusive). And it's devastating to watch, as happens in too many cases, the family dreams of a pregnant teen mom quickly dissipate amid the birth of her baby and the harsh realities of life caring for a newborn, almost always as a single parent, set in. There's no sugar-coating or glamour to be found here, as viewers watch the teen moms face marriage, divorce, adoption, religion, gossip, finances, rumours among the community, graduating high school (or not), and getting (or losing) a job. Some find trouble with the law, some struggle with eating disorders and other mental health issues, some turn to drugs and alcohol and partying, and some eventually relinquish custody of their children. I have no doubt these stories are a reasonably accurate reflection of the majority of teen pregnancies: it's brutally hard, it changes life radically, and there is a great deal of pain and sadness that comes with having a child as a teenager.
As a teen mom myself, (my first child was born when I was 18) I truly wish I would have had this fascinating glimpse into the real lives of teenage parents when I first became sexually active. There's certainly room for debate about the editing of the show, and the consequences that the money and exposure inevitably has for the moms who star in the show, but I remain convinced this reality series is extremely beneficial as a cautionary tale about the consequences of unprotected sex for teens everywhere. It airs Tuesdays at 10 p.m. on MTV Canada.
What do you think about "16 & Pregnant" and "Teen Mom"? Are these shows helpful or harmful when it comes to educating about teen pregnancy? editor@ottawaparentingtimes.ca
"16 & Pregnant," is an hour-long documentary series focusing on teen pregnancy. Each episode follows a five to seven-month period in the life of a teenager as she navigates the bumpy terrain of adolescence, growing pains, rebellion, and coming of age; all while dealing with being pregnant.
The spinoff, "Teen Mom," follows four of the featured "16 & Pregnant" moms in the year or so after giving birth and how they cope with the relentless demands of parenthood, school work and their relationships. It's absolutely compelling TV, with plenty of drama and heartfelt moments. But it's important viewing as well, for parents of all ages.
The launch of these shows has been met with much controversy and debate, with some claiming they "glamorize" teen pregnancy, and are in fact encouraging many girls to run out and get pregnant in hopes of landing a spot on the series, and eventual fame and fortune. On the flip side, there are some stats that are said to support the claim that the rate of teen pregnancy in the U.S. is declining in light of the immense popularity of the shows.
I can't speak to what tangible impact these shows are having on the rate of teen pregnancies in the countries in which they air, but I can tell you one thing: if you've watched even one episode of either series, you can plainly see there is nothing glamorous about these girls' lives and about teen pregnancy in general. Often, these are sad and painful stories that are hard to watch; in some cases, tinged with hope, but for many, filled with despair and hardship as these girls, faced with incredibly adult decisions, are forced to sacrifice their teenage years, their high school experiences and their relationships.
More often than not, the teen dads prove irresponsible and eventually absent (if not abusive). And it's devastating to watch, as happens in too many cases, the family dreams of a pregnant teen mom quickly dissipate amid the birth of her baby and the harsh realities of life caring for a newborn, almost always as a single parent, set in. There's no sugar-coating or glamour to be found here, as viewers watch the teen moms face marriage, divorce, adoption, religion, gossip, finances, rumours among the community, graduating high school (or not), and getting (or losing) a job. Some find trouble with the law, some struggle with eating disorders and other mental health issues, some turn to drugs and alcohol and partying, and some eventually relinquish custody of their children. I have no doubt these stories are a reasonably accurate reflection of the majority of teen pregnancies: it's brutally hard, it changes life radically, and there is a great deal of pain and sadness that comes with having a child as a teenager.
As a teen mom myself, (my first child was born when I was 18) I truly wish I would have had this fascinating glimpse into the real lives of teenage parents when I first became sexually active. There's certainly room for debate about the editing of the show, and the consequences that the money and exposure inevitably has for the moms who star in the show, but I remain convinced this reality series is extremely beneficial as a cautionary tale about the consequences of unprotected sex for teens everywhere. It airs Tuesdays at 10 p.m. on MTV Canada.
What do you think about "16 & Pregnant" and "Teen Mom"? Are these shows helpful or harmful when it comes to educating about teen pregnancy? editor@ottawaparentingtimes.ca
Monday, May 23, 2011
Edgy new parenting book: Go the F**k to Sleep
I stumbled across a hilarious blog post at http://www.embracethechaos.ca/ about a new offbeat parenting book by author and dad Adam Mansbach.
Mansbach has taken the bold step of naming his soon-to-be released book after the natural and very common thought that often crosses a parent's mind after several middle-of-the-night wakings, or when simply dealing with a fussy baby or toddler who doesn't feel like settling down (yes, it does--admit it): Go the F**k to Sleep.
Apparently, a PDF of the book, which poetically chronicles the "love and hate"of bedtime, has been circulating on the Internet in the weeks before the official release, and it's generating major buzz.
Here's a sample from Mansbach's book:
The cats nestle close to their kittens now.
The lambs have laid down with the sheep.
You’re cozy and warm in your bed, my dear.
Please go the f**k to sleep.
http://gotheftosleep.com/
Mansbach has taken the bold step of naming his soon-to-be released book after the natural and very common thought that often crosses a parent's mind after several middle-of-the-night wakings, or when simply dealing with a fussy baby or toddler who doesn't feel like settling down (yes, it does--admit it): Go the F**k to Sleep.
Apparently, a PDF of the book, which poetically chronicles the "love and hate"of bedtime, has been circulating on the Internet in the weeks before the official release, and it's generating major buzz.
Here's a sample from Mansbach's book:
The cats nestle close to their kittens now.
The lambs have laid down with the sheep.
You’re cozy and warm in your bed, my dear.
Please go the f**k to sleep.
http://gotheftosleep.com/
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
The election post-mortem in my household
When I stumbled out of bed this morning, after a long night of election-related duties in the newsroom, my 12-year-old immediately greeted me with a recap of the night's events: "It's a Conservative majority," he said. "I know," I mumbled.
"The NDP is the official opposition," he continued. "Yes, I know," I repeated.
And he didn't forget to include the Bloc's humiliation: "Duceppe quit." I nodded, impressed with his knowledge of the facts.
And then came the editorial: "I don't like the Conservatives," he frowned. I was curious to hear more, but frankly, it was just too early in the morning for in-depth analysis and debate. That will come soon, as I certainly plan to explore his political views, but for now, I'm quite proud that my pre-teen is engaged enough to not only pay attention to the results, but to actually form an opinion. I think it's super-cool, and bodes well.
Do you discuss politics with your children? What do you think of last night's outcome? What impact will the new majority Conservative government have on your family? Share your thoughts below or visit Ottawa Parenting Times on Facebook and Twitter: @ParentingTimes
"The NDP is the official opposition," he continued. "Yes, I know," I repeated.
And he didn't forget to include the Bloc's humiliation: "Duceppe quit." I nodded, impressed with his knowledge of the facts.
And then came the editorial: "I don't like the Conservatives," he frowned. I was curious to hear more, but frankly, it was just too early in the morning for in-depth analysis and debate. That will come soon, as I certainly plan to explore his political views, but for now, I'm quite proud that my pre-teen is engaged enough to not only pay attention to the results, but to actually form an opinion. I think it's super-cool, and bodes well.
Do you discuss politics with your children? What do you think of last night's outcome? What impact will the new majority Conservative government have on your family? Share your thoughts below or visit Ottawa Parenting Times on Facebook and Twitter: @ParentingTimes
Monday, May 2, 2011
Royal weddings, children and happily ever afters
Along with some two billion people, my nine-year-old daughter and I tuned in to watch Prince William marry Kate Middleton. As we chatted about The Dress, William's appearance, and the grandeur of the Abbey and Buckingham Palace, seemingly out of nowhere, my daughter noted that the royal couple "might not be together that long."
Startled, I asked her where that came from, adding that I (and the millions of others watching) certainly hoped the pair would see years of wedded happiness. She merely shrugged, and said "they just might not." And this coming from a little girl who doesn't even know the backstory of William's mother, having been born five years after Diana's death.
In that moment, it struck me just how much the model of--and our perceptions of--marriage and family has changed. Nothing is forever, quite often, neither is marriage and even children are picking up on that fact. And the makeup of families is ever-changing. My daughter is keenly aware that single-parent families exist, and why.
Thirty years ago, as millions watched Diana and Charles walk down the altar in their "fairy tale" wedding, many hoped and likely believed their story would play out that way. But we know better now, and so it seems, do our children.
Still, we hope and still we long for the romance. My worries about my daughter's cynicism quickly evaporated as she impatiently waited for The Kiss. "When are they going to kiss, mom? I want to see the kiss." Some things never change.
***On another Royal note, I read a lovely op-ed from the Daily Mail Online written by Diana's friend Rosa Monckton on how Diana's greatest legacy is that William married for love. She writes: "Somehow, Diana’s own unhappiness has helped to give her son both the capacity and the opportunity for great love."
As a parent, I can think of no greater gift.
Did you watch the royal wedding with your children? editor@ottawaparentingtimes.ca
Startled, I asked her where that came from, adding that I (and the millions of others watching) certainly hoped the pair would see years of wedded happiness. She merely shrugged, and said "they just might not." And this coming from a little girl who doesn't even know the backstory of William's mother, having been born five years after Diana's death.
In that moment, it struck me just how much the model of--and our perceptions of--marriage and family has changed. Nothing is forever, quite often, neither is marriage and even children are picking up on that fact. And the makeup of families is ever-changing. My daughter is keenly aware that single-parent families exist, and why.
Thirty years ago, as millions watched Diana and Charles walk down the altar in their "fairy tale" wedding, many hoped and likely believed their story would play out that way. But we know better now, and so it seems, do our children.
Still, we hope and still we long for the romance. My worries about my daughter's cynicism quickly evaporated as she impatiently waited for The Kiss. "When are they going to kiss, mom? I want to see the kiss." Some things never change.
***On another Royal note, I read a lovely op-ed from the Daily Mail Online written by Diana's friend Rosa Monckton on how Diana's greatest legacy is that William married for love. She writes: "Somehow, Diana’s own unhappiness has helped to give her son both the capacity and the opportunity for great love."
As a parent, I can think of no greater gift.
Did you watch the royal wedding with your children? editor@ottawaparentingtimes.ca
Sunday, April 10, 2011
Pregnancy and addiction
I've recently noticed a significant amount of U.S. media coverage dedicated to the sad plight of pregnant women who are addicted to drugs, particularly prescription opiates such as Oxycontin. Apparently, this is a growing national problem, especially in rural areas. There's a in-depth feature on this in the NY Times today (Read it here).
This problem has always existed, going back to the days of cocaine-exposed babies in the 1980s, but the rapidly increasing abuse of prescription drugs is bringing this to a new level, according to the article.
There are so many layers to this issue: how care for mom and baby is hard to find, how detoxing is tough on mom and excruciating for baby, which treatments are least harmful, and particularly, the lack of knowledge about the long-term effects of prescription and non-prescription drugs on a developing fetus.
Added to all this is the fact that many addicted pregnant women don't admit to it (pregnant women are rarely tested for drugs) or even obtain prenatal care.
I watched an hour-long special on this issue the other night on A&E. As utterly disturbing as it is, it's crucial to shed light on this so more women feel they can come forward and seek treatment in order to give their children the best possible start. And hopefully, researchers will soon find appropriate treatments that will allow mom to get clean--and therefore baby--with minimal effects.
It certainly makes me curious as to what is known about pregnancy and addiction in Canada, and whether we're seeing similarly rising levels of drug abuse in women who are expecting. And if so, I wonder what's being done to get the message out to women that, although they've made some very grave mistakes, they need to come forward and get help for themselves and their babies as soon as possible.
This problem has always existed, going back to the days of cocaine-exposed babies in the 1980s, but the rapidly increasing abuse of prescription drugs is bringing this to a new level, according to the article.
There are so many layers to this issue: how care for mom and baby is hard to find, how detoxing is tough on mom and excruciating for baby, which treatments are least harmful, and particularly, the lack of knowledge about the long-term effects of prescription and non-prescription drugs on a developing fetus.
Added to all this is the fact that many addicted pregnant women don't admit to it (pregnant women are rarely tested for drugs) or even obtain prenatal care.
I watched an hour-long special on this issue the other night on A&E. As utterly disturbing as it is, it's crucial to shed light on this so more women feel they can come forward and seek treatment in order to give their children the best possible start. And hopefully, researchers will soon find appropriate treatments that will allow mom to get clean--and therefore baby--with minimal effects.
It certainly makes me curious as to what is known about pregnancy and addiction in Canada, and whether we're seeing similarly rising levels of drug abuse in women who are expecting. And if so, I wonder what's being done to get the message out to women that, although they've made some very grave mistakes, they need to come forward and get help for themselves and their babies as soon as possible.
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
Help! Charlie Sheen is tainting my kids' vocabulary
As much as I really hate to give this man more press, his name and his horrible antics have not gone unnoticed by my children, particularly my very plugged in 12-year-old son .
Last night, while shopping in the baby section at Wal-Mart, my son, upon spotting a cute, innocently sport-themed baby bib (It had a helmet and I believe a bat or a ball and it read "WINNING is my goal") immediately blurted out, "Look! It's a Charlie Sheen bib!"
His voice rang out so loudly, a few nearby shoppers turned to look in our direction (were they expecting to see a picture of a ghastly, gaunt man sandwiched between two 'goddesses'?) and my face immediately turned red. "Shhhhh"! I hissed, mortified that his bold statement seems to reveal us as part of the hysterically curious following Sheen has recently gathered.
And this is not the first time my son has brought this up. Just a few days ago, the word "drunk" came up on a TV program, and before the sentence was finished, my son had chirped, "like Charlie Sheen!"
OK, so the word "drunk" might be a given, but words such as "winning" used to have a positive energy. Now, my son associates that word with the bizarre ramblings of Sheen, and it's a little disturbing.
But all this brings up a larger issue, a topic definitely worth exploring: just how to explain Charlie Sheen to your kids. Hopefully, with young(er) children, it's not even an issue. But with the onslaught of media coverage, tales of sordid escapades and drug use are filtering through, all the way to our children, especially our teenage children.
As disturbing as it is that Sheen's bad behaviour is not only being tolerated by the public at large (Warner Bros., not so much), but actually celebrated (i.e. the hot-selling standup tour!), much more disturbing is that kids are witnessing this spectacle--and could be conditioned to think that addiction, promiscuity and nonsensical tirades are a form of entertainment or somehow funny. When it's anything but.
It's an awkward subject, but the media saturation is almost inescapable. When I have to talk about it, I explain that this behaviour is not normal and desperately requires treatment. And that it's absolutely not "winning."
Do you have suggestions on how to explain Charlie Sheen and the media furor to impressionable kids? I'd love to hear them.
editor@ottawaparentingtimes.ca
Last night, while shopping in the baby section at Wal-Mart, my son, upon spotting a cute, innocently sport-themed baby bib (It had a helmet and I believe a bat or a ball and it read "WINNING is my goal") immediately blurted out, "Look! It's a Charlie Sheen bib!"
His voice rang out so loudly, a few nearby shoppers turned to look in our direction (were they expecting to see a picture of a ghastly, gaunt man sandwiched between two 'goddesses'?) and my face immediately turned red. "Shhhhh"! I hissed, mortified that his bold statement seems to reveal us as part of the hysterically curious following Sheen has recently gathered.
And this is not the first time my son has brought this up. Just a few days ago, the word "drunk" came up on a TV program, and before the sentence was finished, my son had chirped, "like Charlie Sheen!"
OK, so the word "drunk" might be a given, but words such as "winning" used to have a positive energy. Now, my son associates that word with the bizarre ramblings of Sheen, and it's a little disturbing.
But all this brings up a larger issue, a topic definitely worth exploring: just how to explain Charlie Sheen to your kids. Hopefully, with young(er) children, it's not even an issue. But with the onslaught of media coverage, tales of sordid escapades and drug use are filtering through, all the way to our children, especially our teenage children.
As disturbing as it is that Sheen's bad behaviour is not only being tolerated by the public at large (Warner Bros., not so much), but actually celebrated (i.e. the hot-selling standup tour!), much more disturbing is that kids are witnessing this spectacle--and could be conditioned to think that addiction, promiscuity and nonsensical tirades are a form of entertainment or somehow funny. When it's anything but.
It's an awkward subject, but the media saturation is almost inescapable. When I have to talk about it, I explain that this behaviour is not normal and desperately requires treatment. And that it's absolutely not "winning."
Do you have suggestions on how to explain Charlie Sheen and the media furor to impressionable kids? I'd love to hear them.
editor@ottawaparentingtimes.ca
Monday, March 28, 2011
For sale: One defiant teenage boy, complete with full-on attitude...
...well, OK, maybe I won't actually sell him (as if anyone is in the market for this notoriously tough age group, anyway), but right now, I sure feel like it.
My oldest will be 13 this August, and with the advent of adolescence comes all those scary things I've heard so much about: the attitude, talking back, unbelievable sense of entitlement, etc., etc.
It all reached a peak the other day, after my many stern warnings that if the attitude continued, there would be major consequences. Lo and behold, he put me to the test. And so I brought out the "big guns": a strategy I picked up from Dr. Phil (OK, you can stop laughing now).
It involves "stripping" your child of their material possessions: toys, video games, computer, etc. and allowing them to gradually earn them back through extended periods of good behaviour.
So, he's officially been stripped: the cell phone is gone, the only fun left in his bedroom now is some books. It's going to be hard to stick to, though I know it had to be done. But will it work? Is it a monstrous tactic? Is it age-appropriate? Time will tell.
Do you have any ideas, thoughts or comments on discipline for teens? What's your experience? What has worked for you? I'd love to hear about it. Please leave a comment or e-mail editor@ottawaparentingtimes.ca.
My oldest will be 13 this August, and with the advent of adolescence comes all those scary things I've heard so much about: the attitude, talking back, unbelievable sense of entitlement, etc., etc.
It all reached a peak the other day, after my many stern warnings that if the attitude continued, there would be major consequences. Lo and behold, he put me to the test. And so I brought out the "big guns": a strategy I picked up from Dr. Phil (OK, you can stop laughing now).
It involves "stripping" your child of their material possessions: toys, video games, computer, etc. and allowing them to gradually earn them back through extended periods of good behaviour.
So, he's officially been stripped: the cell phone is gone, the only fun left in his bedroom now is some books. It's going to be hard to stick to, though I know it had to be done. But will it work? Is it a monstrous tactic? Is it age-appropriate? Time will tell.
Do you have any ideas, thoughts or comments on discipline for teens? What's your experience? What has worked for you? I'd love to hear about it. Please leave a comment or e-mail editor@ottawaparentingtimes.ca.
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
Awesome video of squealing baby--guaranteed to make your day!
Monday, March 21, 2011
Back to work, sadly
A few days ago, I returned to work at my part-time office job, and baby Chloe began daycare. It was tough. I had a wonderful time staying home for four months, often doing nothing other than cuddling, feeding and playing with Chloe. I already miss those days.
Now, we're having to adjust to a new, frantic daily routine of getting up, fed, dressed and out the door to daycare and work. We have much less time together, even though I'm part-time, and I feel it keenly.
I'm starting to think of the moments I may miss while at work: the crawling, walking, the first recognizable word, and my heart sinks.
I enjoy my career in the news business, and in some ways, it's nice to be among adults again. But I find much of my attention--and all of my heart--stays with Chloe, no matter where I am or what I'm doing...
Now, we're having to adjust to a new, frantic daily routine of getting up, fed, dressed and out the door to daycare and work. We have much less time together, even though I'm part-time, and I feel it keenly.
I'm starting to think of the moments I may miss while at work: the crawling, walking, the first recognizable word, and my heart sinks.
I enjoy my career in the news business, and in some ways, it's nice to be among adults again. But I find much of my attention--and all of my heart--stays with Chloe, no matter where I am or what I'm doing...
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